I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
