$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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