I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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