But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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