He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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