I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
