All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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