Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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