Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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