the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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