its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
