Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
