She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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