i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
