She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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