there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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