What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
