I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
