Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want a musical about memes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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