Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Pants are for mortals
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
