We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm both gender and math confused
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
