is your mom at the bar?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize