why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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