He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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