She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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