they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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