1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
