Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And then my night got REAL pukey
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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