Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
tell me about the eggs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
