so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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