so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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