Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize