***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
