dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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