its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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