so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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