it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
