I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
