dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
