I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
