Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
These tits shall not be calmed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
