...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
