His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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