He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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