It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
