Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bring money and cleavage
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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