I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
