Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
