at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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