hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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