I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Enjoy the penises
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize