Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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