people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
