I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Alive.
So much puke
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
