I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
