Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
