You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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