dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
