Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
