i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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