Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
