oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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