i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
