My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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