Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
