You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm at about main and main street
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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