what day is it and did you see me today?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This toilet bowl is my home.
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